EP8 – Flatbread Temptations, Empathy Tales, and Navigating Setbacks with Self-Compassion
Have you ever enjoyed a simple indulgence only to find it disrupts your well-being more than you anticipated? Join me as I recount a night where a tempting flatbread from a Persian restaurant threw off my wellness routine, and explore how small deviations can ripple into larger impacts on our health journey. It’s a story of resilience and reflection, where I learned to navigate setbacks with grace and a renewed commitment to self-care. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that while progress might not always be linear, embracing self-compassion and understanding can help us stay on the path to wellness.
Listen in as I share a poignant tale of empathy—uncovering the untold stories behind people’s actions, like a father on a bus facing silent judgment until his personal tragedy surfaces. This narrative invites us to choose compassion over criticism, whether it’s towards others or ourselves.
Accompany me on my personal health journey as I celebrate victories like reduced joint pain and improved sleep, even amidst occasional lapses. Through nourishing self-care rituals and mindful reflection, this episode underscores the importance of recognizing our positive changes and approaching life’s hurdles with kindness and understanding.
Transcript
Sharise Parviz: 0:01
Whew. Well, I had a rough night last night, I think. Last time I chatted here with you I was feeling great and I was, and I had two fantastic meetings went really well. I’ve got some plans going for a new project that I’m working on, and that went really well. I did a lot of what do we call it? Brainstorming, and that went really well, did a lot of um, uh, what do we call it brainstorming? And that went really well and had a really good day, got, went to the gym and worked out and was just had a wonderful day and so at yes, last night, uh, well, I kind of, you know whatever what’s called going off the wagon, I went off the wagon or whatever.Sharise Parviz: 0:44
So my husband, once a month he goes to a political meeting at a Persian restaurant and he attends many political meetings, but this one is at a Persian restaurant and I don’t typically go to the political meetings. I really don’t attend those anymore For various reasons, not that I’m not, you know, supportive of it, but I just don’t want to get that involved on that level. I’m leaving that up to him. This time he’s carrying that mantle now. I did back in 2008. Now he’s doing it now. So, but anyway, it’s at a Persian restaurant. And he came home and said honey, I brought you something. And I told him I said don’t bring me anything from anywhere while I’m on my cleanse and my at home retreat. Don’t do it, don’t do it Right, and we don’t eat out a lot, um, any. I mean we did when my house was under reconstruction, because, well, there was about two months there specifically that I, like, couldn’t cook at all. I mean I, it was just my whole kitchen was torn up, right. So we did have to eat out and I think that also caused me to to not do so well in the past few months, so, which is why I’m doing the cleanse. But anyway, so he did. He came home last night, told me about the meeting it went well, which I was happy about and then he said I brought you something. I said, oh, great. So he brought me some flatbread.
Sharise Parviz: 2:16
Okay, so flatbread, flatbread from the Persian restaurant. I am not a grain person. I mentioned that to you before I. We don’t do a lot of grains. If we do, I bake all my bread myself and I either make a sourdough or I’ll ferment my flour or do whatever Um and so that it’s, um, you know bread that is compatible with you know digestion, and so then I eat only organic and do organic flour or what have you? Um, anyway. So of course, flatbread for the Persian restaurant. I’m not going to turn that down. So, um, so I had some, and they cut when you go down. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a Persian restaurant, but they’ll serve you flatbread which is usually cut in triangles, and they’ll serve it with mint and some type of like a feta cheese or feta like cheese.
Sharise Parviz: 3:11
And, um, anyway, he didn’t bring me all that, he just brought me some flatbread and maybe that was a problem. I didn’t take any fat with it. But so I had four pieces of flatbread and I thought, well, pieces of flatbread. And I thought, well, that’s not going to hurt me any right? Oh, okay, yeah, so, uh, let’s just say I didn’t realize or how well I was doing until I did so badly last night. So, um, so I had a few pieces. I did have them too late. I had about seven o’clock and I think I told you I try to get done eating at six. But again, what’s? Four pieces, little four triangles of flatbread, Come on. Anyway. So I had them and that was the only thing that I did differently all day. So that’s the only thing I can um that I can nail this on.
Sharise Parviz: 3:58
But uh, so I had a terrible night last night. I tossed and turned all night. I couldn’t sleep. I got a headache. I started hot flashing again getting hot flashes. What else? A headache couldn’t sleep, hot flashes oh gosh, and I think that’s it. Oh, and I’m sniffly again.
Sharise Parviz: 4:25
So I started out my retreat being sniffly and I talked about and I’m still sniffly, but I was becoming less and less sniffly, it was starting to clear up, I wasn’t as sneezy and itchy. And then this morning I woke up, my eyes are watery and I’m extra, extra sniffly. And when you know, when you’re sniffly and, like I said, I’ve been sniffly since I started this podcast you can’t talk real well because you’re sniffly, so it’s hard to breathe. So I apologize, I actually probably sound a lot more nasally and posy and all that than typically I speak because I can’t breathe. So there’s that. But anyway, I didn’t realize.
Sharise Parviz: 5:07
Well, I guess I did realize that I was doing better, it was getting less nasally, less stuffed up, and I was able to breathe better until I wasn’t. You know what is that? The whole thing? You don’t know what you lost until it’s gone. Well, there you go. So something like that, right? Anyway, I was a little frustrated this morning. I was like, oh my gosh, you know I’m really super tired because I didn’t sleep and I was a little frustrated with myself. I’m like, wow, you know, I wanted to.
Sharise Parviz: 5:39
I started reflecting about this because in my wise and wildness journey journal that’s a mouthful, isn’t it? But in my journal that I give to my clients who are on doing the nutritional protocol and the wise and wildness way, wise and wild wellness way, um, which I’m using right now too, in the journal I have, you know, questions in there, not only just about diet and exercise and and poop and all those things, but also about what’s happening for you that day, mentally and emotionally, spiritually. What’s going well, what’s not going well? So, obviously, what’s not going well is that I had four pieces of bread and all my symptoms came back and I can be really frustrated with myself and I can’t say that I’m not frustrated a little. But the next question in my journal is for the things that aren’t going so well, for whatever it is that isn’t going so well, how can you turn that into a win, how can you learn from it?
Sharise Parviz: 6:51
And that’s the important part, that’s the way to turn condemnation into compassion, right Into understanding, into usefulness, into usefulness because you could condemn yourself for bad choices that you’ve made. I mean you could beat yourself and beat yourself the rest of your life. And certainly you know, I’ve had my times where I’ve beaten myself for things for years, but it doesn’t get anybody anywhere and, um, there’s no real usefulness. I mean it’s good to have regret Sometimes. The regret is good because it reminds you of what you don’t want to repeat. But you can’t live in that regret because you live in that regret.
Sharise Parviz: 7:36
You know I talked about in the beginning of this retreat about being toxic. I felt toxic, right, and toxic being from the poisons that we’re breathing in or the foods that we’re eating, or any of the chemicals that we’re surrounding around, that we’re breathing in or drinking or eating or what have you. But toxic also can be our thoughts, our emotions, that can leave a toxic burden that can cause illness, that can cause illness. So when you are filled with condemnation for yourself or for others, you know it’s not only hurtful to others but even again, as I mentioned yesterday. Even if it’s not, even if they’re unaware of your, you know, being judgmental or you’re condemning them or criticizing them. You have that in your spirit and that in your spirit is toxic. That in your spirit is dark and it’s painful and you can’t grow from that and you can’t learn from that.
Sharise Parviz: 8:45
It’s better to ask what happened as opposed to what’s wrong with you. Why would you do that? But what happened to make you make that choice? What is it? What’s your story? What is it that made you think that that was a good choice? I can eat four pieces of bread when I knew that I was still working on cleansing and that really is the time for bread. But that’s a real easy, easy deal. That’s not a big deal.
Sharise Parviz: 9:17
But when you’re talking about really condemning and judging and being critical of yourself or someone else, usually it’s for something much greater than four little pieces of bread, although it can be. You know, when someone is judgmental, you know and I certainly have been in the past man, you can find plenty of reasons to judge somebody, even yourself, certainly yourself, I should say. So the point is is that? What can you learn from it? What can you learn from a mistake? What can you learn from a bad decision? Right, we don’t want to repeat it, but what can we learn from it so that we can use it as a, you know, as a path to a new direction? How can we use that to propel us forward? How can we use that with someone else to have compassion for them?
Sharise Parviz: 10:10
And to you know, when we judge others or ourselves, we put that person in a box. Let’s just talk about someone else for a second. When we judge someone, we put them in a box and we kind of separate them from ourselves. And it’s dehumanizing because we stop feeling for them on a human level, on an emotional level, on a heart-to-heart level. We start just looking at them as, oh, you know what’s wrong with them, you know they’re just, they don’t belong, they’re not here, right, and and as I mentioned yesterday, there’s a lot of things to condemn in our world today. I mean, there’s a lot of evil in the world. I’m just going to call it like it is. There is evil in this world. There is an evil, there’s a spiritual war going on, and that is the truth. You can feel it. War going on, and that is the truth, you can feel it.
Sharise Parviz: 11:11
But those people who are hurting, who are caught up in the world, who have, who have been deceived. We have to be very careful that we don’t condemn them and we have compassion for them and I’m gonna cry and I don’t want to cry because they don’t really want to be able to talk, because they’re hurting. They’re hurting and they’ve been deceived and they’ve been lied to. And when we just condemn them, we’re not helping them. And you know, whether you’re a Christian and I am a Christian, or whether you just want to bring a more loving energy into the world, we can’t do that through condemnation.
Sharise Parviz: 11:50
Now I’m going to step back for just a second and say and I’m going to put an and with that we can condemn the evil. We can condemn the evil Evil is not to be accepted but let’s not, while we’re condemning the evil, let’s not condemn those who have been deceived by it. Let’s try to have compassion, not try. Let’s have compassion, because the truth is, when I look at someone and when I think about their situation and I think about what is think about their situation and I think about what is. So here’s how you change, or how I change, and how I a tool that I use with my clients. How can we go from condemning and criticizing and putting somebody in a box and separate them from us into becoming compassionate and trying to understand them? Why would we want to first of all? Why would we want to? What do we benefit?
Sharise Parviz: 12:47
Well, as I said, condemnation, critical thinking, critical criticism of others all of that weighs heavy on our hearts and it is a toxic emotion that, even though it may be directed at somebody else, even if it is, it still is toxic to our own soul and spirit. We can’t bring out our best if we are toxic physically, mentally or emotionally, spiritually. We have to bring out our best to bring out the best in the world. We can only do that through releasing these negative, you know, critical thinking and thoughts. Now, I think I mentioned I’m not about all this. You know critical thinking and thoughts.
Sharise Parviz: 13:27
Now, I think I mentioned I’m not about all this. You know positive thinking crap. Because they’re just putting a bandaid, you know, on a gushing wound, right, and it’s, it’s just, it’s not, it doesn’t last. You could only think, you know, think positive for so long before your brain and he says, yeah, this is bullshit right. So I’m not about think, you know. Think positive, you know, because I think that’s toxic, because we can’t deny our emotions and our feelings, even the ones that aren’t good and we shouldn’t. Those are feelings and emotions that are wanting to be heard, you know and I shouldn’t say shouldn’t, but you know what I’m saying Every part of us.
Sharise Parviz: 14:11
There’s nothing bad about any emotion that we have. What makes it bad is our behavior in those emotions. We get caught up in them and what we do with those emotions. I used to tell this to my kids, not only my own kids, but also my kids. I taught at my performing arts school, you know, because we were able to work a lot about emotions in acting classes or dance classes and bringing in musicality and emotion to the art. And I said emotion. There’s not one emotion that’s bad, not anger, nothing, not even jealousy, is bad. These are all. It’s what we do with them. An emotion is just an emotion. It’s a natural way of being. We all have them, we all have thoughts, we all have things. It’s what we cling to, it’s what we dwell on and it’s how we use them. We could use them to be angry, be jealous and make poor choices, or we can use them to learn more about ourselves.
Sharise Parviz: 15:13
So, going back, though, to compassion, when we give up the critical selves, our critical selves, and give up the condemning selves and we move into compassion, then we’re no longer divided and we can reach out and actually help someone. So, instead of asking what’s wrong with you and you could ask that’s even of yourself you may ask that of yourself what’s wrong with you? Why’d you do that? What’s wrong with you? Why’d you do that? What’s wrong with you? Instead of asking those that question, there’s a better question to ask that’ll help you to have compassion for someone else and for yourselves, and is what has happened? What happened? What happened to you, or what do you believe happened to you? What are your, what are the perceptions that the person might have that has put them in this position, to make these choices, to be following this path of deception? And when we open up and go, wow, you know what happened, and go wow, you know what happened, then we open up our hearts to that person and we open up the lines of communication and understanding and compassion, and then we can open up our hearts. When our hearts are open, we can then now help, we can help others heal, and everything I’m saying about what you can do for others also applies to how we can help ourselves heal.
Sharise Parviz: 16:55
You know I’m sure you’ve heard this story and I’m going to go ahead and repeat it here, but you probably you may have already heard it, or maybe you haven’t. And the story goes something like this, and there’s always a little, you know, variation whenever you hear a story, but this is how I’ve heard it there was a man with his boys, his kids, and they were getting on a bus and the kids were super rowdy and loud. And they got on the bus, they sat down and the father just seemed to be in a daze. And it was a full bus, a lot of passengers, and the father was in a daze, he just seemed to be kind of out of it and the kids were running up and down the bus aisle, making noise, running into people and just causing all kinds of disruption and people were getting frustrated. But behind him sat another man and this other man looked at the father, was completely oblivious to what his kids were doing and he just couldn’t take it anymore. And this man just said hey, what’s wrong with you? Mind your kids, they’re being disruptive. Well, the father at that point kind of shook himself out of his stupor and looked and called his kids to him and he turned to the man. He said I’m sorry, I apologize. We just got back from the hospital and, uh, their mother, my, my wife, died. Well, of course, the man felt terrible we’re jumping down this father’s throat and immediately felt compassion and reached out and, you know, told him that he was sorry for his loss. But the immediate, the immediate change from being condemning to compassionate is an understanding, and that man gained an understanding of this father’s pain.
Sharise Parviz: 19:05
And so that story, you know, is a reminder to me when I feel critical of myself or someone else. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives. You don’t know and you may have already been there, you may have been there as well. So, instead of saying what’s wrong, if, if you have the opportunity, ask what’s happened. If you don’t have the opportunity in your heart, this is what I do, especially when I’m on the road and if I start to get critical, and I think you know what you don’t know what’s going on with them, you don’t know their story, you don’t know what’s happened. And so I’ll say a prayer, I’ll say you know, may you be blessed, may you be whole and hopefully that energy I believe that energy from my heart will reach their heart. And not only now am I releasing my condemnation of that other person, I’m also releasing that negative energy in my own soul and in my own heart. So something to think about. Hopefully.
Sharise Parviz: 20:22
I kind of went a little bit back and forth in places there. As I said, I’m not writing any of this down, none of this is scripted, so hopefully you’re following along. But you know, I thought about okay, well, you know, what did I learn from this? Going back to my story of my four pieces of bread and how I could be condemning myself and instead of saying, okay, you know what’s wrong with you, you know better. Well, okay, what happened? Well, what happened is that I got offered four pieces of bread and it sounded really good and I thought, well, it can’t hurt. All right, well, that’s a choice. So what did I learn from it? Right, that’s another thing. What did I learn from it? Well, you know what I learned that I’m not quite ready to eat, uh, bread from a restaurant, which is okay, because I don’t typically do anyway. But you know what I really learned? I learned how well I was getting. I learned.
Sharise Parviz: 21:18
I went back and reflected on all the ways that I was getting better my joints. I wasn’t feeling any pain in my joints because I was going up the stairs prior to my cleanse and my knees were starting to hurt and my hips and all that, and I stopped having joint pain. My joint pain just went away. My snuffles, sniffles, were going away. I was sleeping through the night and not tossing and turning and mind reeling what else I was. I didn’t have any more hot flashes until you know, till last night, and I had a lot of energy. I didn’t my head, I didn’t have any headaches. Wow, you know what I learned? I learned that I was really making progress, all right.
Sharise Parviz: 22:07
So now today, all I’m going to do is get back on track. I know what happened, right. What caused these symptoms to reoccur. I know what happened, right. Looking at it, I give it understanding. I give myself understanding for having a moment of going Ooh, that looks good. We all been there.
Sharise Parviz: 22:26
And now? What do I learn from it and what can I do about it? So today I’m going to stay on stage one for one more day and just to kind of cleanse out a little bit more before I add any other foods into my diet and just kind of cleanse out the four pieces of bread and all of that and rest. Today I may not even work out, I may just rest, do some detox baths or a detox bath Just one is probably fine, although I might do two and my enema and drinking lots of herbal teas and water, lemon water and just rest and really celebrate how much better I’m feeling and that I got to reflect on that because of this circumstance. So bravo for me. All right, have a great day and I will talk to you soon. Bye-bye.