This week, I started my 6 month journey in becoming a certified Life Coach. I am not sure if I want to be a life coach, quite honestly, so why did I decide to do it?.

Well, for selfish reasons, really. As my husband and I begin our next chapter in our lives, I don’t want to bring the old me with it. I realized that past childhood traumas were still affecting me today and keeping me from truly going after the dreams and goals we have, and building the kind of marriage and life we want.

I still have trust issues. I still have self-defeating behaviors.

I thought of going into therapy and then I learned about the Modern Life Coach School. Being a “professional student” I love to learn. I always want to gain a deeper understanding of “the why”. I feel like a perpetual child, “Why?” “Why?” “Why?”. I’m naturally inquisitive (drove my teachers crazy) and I’ve always wanted to understand on a deeper level and then apply what I’ve learned. I’m not one to just “talk it out” and “share”. I want to figure it out. Take it apart and understand it.

And if I do choose to be a Life Coach, then I want to do it right. Yes, I’ve been there. Yes, I can understand struggle, pain, abuse, trauma. I’ve been there. I can share my experiences in helping others, but it doesn’t qualify me to help them (it’s the same idea as just because you have a camera doesn’t turn you into a filmmaker).

In my mind, being professionally trained and certified gives me the qualifications and knowledge which I think is important in a trusted teacher/coach.

So while experience is integral, training and self-education is critical to me (I guess that’s pretty obvious with the number of dance and fitness certifications I have). I would never want to cause harm to anyone because of my lack of knowledge.

Okay, So week 1, Holy cow. It’s intense.

The first week is really about creating MY ideal life, what I want, MY story. Starting with self so I can build the vision for my life, and be able to understand and serve those I coach. Makes sense.

The truth is, though, I’ve been on a rat’s wheel for so long, I don’t know what I want. Well, I know the bigger picture for my family, etc., but what do I want? Just for MEEEE? I don’t know (and I knew that I didn’t know which is why I enrolled in this course), and having to identify what I don’t know is a bit anxiety provoking. Okay, a lot anxiety provoking!

I’m a bit of a commitment-phob as well, so having to write down what I want – what I really want – with no judgement, no outside influencers, and nothing impossible… whew! Tough stuff. Holy crap! My heart’s racing. Sh*t!

God, I’m so glad I’m doing this!!!

Yes, it’s a challenge. Yes, its thought provoking and emotionally disruptive. But having to face myself, having to understand myself, my dreams and desires – it’s giving me the clarity I need. And rationally I understand that I can change my goals and mind at anytime (even if I’ve already written it down. That’s what erasers and the “delete” key is for. Hello.). And I also know that this analysis of my life is a life-long activity. Not a one time deal it and seal it.

Now, I still plan to seek out therapy as I believe good therapist can truly help (I’m looking into EMDR-sounds interesting. Google it).

But right now, I’m going to delve deep into this course and discover or re-discover myself. Everything Is Possible.